#582 Perfectionism in Mindfulness Practice?

     "... don't set up the ideal of perfection! ... The thrust of your practice is training in awareness and honesty, not hankering after an ideal. The drive to be perfect deflects much-needed energy away from attending to the truth of the present moment."

       Larry Rosenberg. Three Steps to Awakening. A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life. Shambhala, Boston, 2013. 

Nicolas Le Boulanger, National Geographic   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com

#578 Civilized Behavior?

     It's quite amazing how differently some people describe themselves from how they actually behave - fail to "walk the talk." And they may actually believe at least some of what they're saying.
     High, rigidly-held, often loudly-professed moral & other standards, are difficult to live up to. So we may try, but keep falling short, and can't tolerate the disconnect. Therefore, we suppress the disconnect, to ourselves & others, any way we can. 
     The greater the disconnect, the less self-respect we have. Others see our hypocrisy far more clearly than we allow ourselves to see it. Hypocrites don't fit in civilized society. Whether living in a small tribe or in today's global village, one's reputation as a dependable, beneficial part of the community is everything. Living a divided life is miserable on all levels. The fact is, we can't ever truly get away with anything!
     Rigidity & perfectionism are serious psychological handicaps. Lying is a rampant social disease.

     Mindfulness training is about learning to see things - including ourselves - clearly, with kind acceptance, no matter what we see. In this wise way, we can let go of all dysfunctional coping strategies, and start living a congruent, undivided life. This is civilized.

#524 Life - As Is

     There's a deep (desperate?) drive in all of us towards perfection - having perfect stuff, experiences, relationships, and even wanting ourselves to be perfect. Haven't we all imagined or at least dreamed of being able to fly? Or having other "super-powers"? "And how's that working for you?"

     Real life sure is a big fat humility pill compared to our daydreams! Mindfulness practice helps us embrace real life, exactly as it is, so much easier.

     See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/05/dealing-with-trauma-adversity.html

Lerky - Devin & Natalie's guest of honour

#424 Strive for the "Sure Thing" - OR - Trust Open-Hearted Engagement?

     It makes sense to put more care, time & effort into a project, so it will turn out closer to what we hope for. Of course it's easy to go overboard, only to (re)discover that no matter how hard we try, we can't perfectly control things. "The hurrier I goes, the behinder I gets!"
     Interestingly, mindfulness advises focusing on the process itself, rather than the goal. In fact, (excessively) focusing on the goal is considered a major impediment to reaching it. Excessive goal-orientation is "driven" by greed, fear, anxiety or some combination of these unhealthy emotions, which virtually block one's ability to pay attention to the journey - the actual path to the goal.
     We optimally attend to what we're doing when we're fully engaged - our mind-heart-body is open to the actual process eg taking care of a little child or pet. Our focus of attention is almost exclusively experiential, with minimal narrative focus. There seems to be a direct connection of some sort between the silent depths of ourselves and that of the person, animal or activity. There's a sense of love, kindness or perhaps a primal recognition. It feels very still, peaceful, timeless and right - radically different from greed, fear or anxiety. 
     One may even say that open-hearted engagement is the antidote for greed, fear & anxiety. We know both ends of this spectrum, but perhaps have more experience with the latter. Can we trust the former to guide our lives? Our moment-by-moment way of being holds the answer. Can we observe what guides (or drives) our behavior & the quality of life that naturally arises?

Bob Kaune   www.dpreview.com

#272 Perfectionism - Negative AND Positive Forms

     Dentists, physicians, and likely most health-care professionals tend to be perfectionists. This perfectionism benefits health-care recipients, but is extremely hard on providers, contributing to anxiety, depression, burnout and suicide. Fortunately, like most things, perfectionism is a coin with two sides. And mindfulness, which has been defined as "the phenomenon of standing back from negative thoughts and feelings to evaluate an experience” can help flip this coin.

     "positive perfectionists ... set realistic goals and are motivated by the positive feelings that are associated with a sense of accomplishment ... 
     Negative perfectionists are motivated by the need to avoid negative evaluations, although they may set impossible standards and are not satisfied with any outcome.
     strivings for perfection are adaptive when combined with the acceptance of non-perfection, but maladaptive when combined with an inability to accept failures.
     In the current study, positive perfectionists reported higher levels of proactive coping, mindfulness and self-esteem, and lower levels of depressive symptomatology and rumination. Negative perfectionists reported less proactive coping, mindfulness, and self-esteem, as well as greater rumination and depressive symptomatology. As expected, life satisfaction was higher for those with increased mindfulness and positive perfectionism, and lower for individuals reporting lower mindfulness and higher negative perfectionism. 
     The results strongly suggest that positive perfectionists are more likely to be mindful and have higher self-esteem than negative perfectionists, and seek to modify more effective cognitive strategies, as noted by the higher reported levels of proactive coping. Positive perfectionists are intentional and deliberative, and they actually take action (rather than just thinking about it) by using an iterative approach, engaging multiple strategies to continue to persevere.
     Conversely, results suggest that negative perfectionists are unlikely to be mindful or proactive, and more likely to default to rumination as a coping technique. They may focus solely on the desired outcome, rather than searching for alternate solutions to the problem. Failure to achieve success becomes a severe threat to negative perfectionists’ self-esteem. Rumination tends to lead to failure because it does not culminate in taking action, as does the more beneficial cognitive coping style of mindfulness. Rumination seems to reflect a continual low self-esteem state of ineffective 'engagement' which negative perfectionists internalize as better than quitting.
     ... those who were taught mindfulness techniques reported fewer ruminative activities compared to untreated counterparts. Given the positive correlation between negative perfectionism and rumination, mindfulness may be a beneficial skill for negative perfectionists to learn. ... mindfulness leads to an increase in the individual’s ability to deliberately respond to situations. Therefore, mindfulness may aid in controlling repetitive behavior and decreasing negative cognitions. Greater mindfulness seems to lead to a better ability to make sound judgments and decisions that lead to more beneficial outcomes. Increased mindfulness could potentially result in decreased negative perfectionism and increased levels of proactive coping, self-esteem, and satisfaction with life ..."

        Hinterman C, Burns L, Hopwood D, Rogers W. Mindfulness: Seeking a More Perfect Approach to Coping with Life’s Challenges. Mindfulness 2012
 DOI 10.1007/s12671-012-0091-8

See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/01/looking-in-mirror-conditional-self.html

Photo: Noah Genda   www.dpreview.com

#248 Process Transforms Doing into Being - It's the Singer, not the Song ...

     It's very interesting listening to someone giving their perspective of events in which you were both involved, particularly when they deliver it as an absolute statement of fact, instead of their unique impression. We tend to cling to certainty and tend to be averse to uncertainty & ambiguity. Yet nothing is solid & unchanging, not even our memories of the past - even that changes constantly.
     Perhaps fear of aging partially explains why people tend to be intolerant of ambiguity, and pretend to be certain about uncertain things. Ambiguity tolerance should, unless we fight it, arise naturally as we age. It takes a great deal of patience, tolerance & endurance to put up with life's litany of embarrassments. One has to learn to enjoy the process of working with imperfection, including one's own. Quickly & ethically obtaining a great result is a very unlikely prospect. Focusing on the process however is entirely different.
     People slowly, mindfully working on a meaningful product or service are themselves transformed by the process itself. We each individually reduce suffering and create joy by the actual quality we bring to life, moment-by-moment. WE INDIVIDUALLY provide what we all need. Nobody else can do it. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. WE can and must rise to the occasion.

See also: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2012/12/everyones-doing-their-best-under.html