#224 What are we waiting for - Perfection ???

     "Perfectionistic people often assume that a flawless arrangement is waiting to be discovered. A more realistic view is that it is impossible to balance work and family life in a way that pleases everyone. The only hope is compromise. There is no magic. Each member of the marital dyad must make compromises in the direction of meeting the needs of the other person. These compromises provide a flawed but workable solution. Even more important, they require a process that is critically important in maintaining a viable marriage. As long as each member of the couple is negotiating with one another, the marital relationship is existing in the present instead of being postponed.
     The wisdom of living in the present has been known for centuries.*** How easily we overlook the observation of Epicurus (341-270 BC): 'The fool with all his other thoughts, has this also: He is always getting ready to live.'"

        Gabbard GO, Menninger RW. The psychology of postponement in the medical marriage. JAMA 1989; 261(16): 2378-81.

*** actually, over 2,000 years

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