#221 Ego Defended Suffering; Undefended Authenticity & Joy

     We've all experienced a wide variety of fears: hearing a strange noise when alone in a house; walking into an exam less than adequately prepared; feeling ignored by people we care about; being insulted or made fun of; an impending medical or dental appointment; having a nightmare; and the list goes on and on. What do all of these have in common? These all pose a threat to our self-concept - our unique, fictional idea of who we assume we are - ego.
     To the extent that identity is fused with self-concept ie "I am my self-concept", we suffer. What does this suffering feel like? Just recall any of the situations above: basically the fight, flight, freeze response - the reptilian reaction to threat to survival: physical tightness, increased heart rate, racing thoughts etc - an adrenalin rush, like too much caffeine. Yet it's usually only the ego being threatened - a fictional concept. For many of us, the ego is constantly under attack and constantly being defended - relentless stress & suffering - over an idea!
     It's essential to recognize and make use of the fact that a quiet ego - "(hypo-egoic state) is responsible both for the sense of well-being that tends to accompany many positive psychological experiences (such as flow, meditation, and transcendence) and for prosocial beliefs and actions ..."
         Leary MR, Guadagno J. "The role of hypo-egoic self-processes in optimal functioning and subjective well-being." (Chapter 9) in: Sheldon KM, Kashdan TB, Steger MF. eds. "Designing positive psychology: Taking stock and moving forward." Oxford University Press, NY, 2011. 

     How can we avoid a lifetime of self-inflicted suffering? As soon as we feel the old caffeine-rush sensation of the ego trying to defend itself, we can kindly accept our brain stem trying to help, and abort this defensive mission. The healthy adult alternative to armoring ± counterattack involves learning to let go of tension in various parts of the body, learning to accept ourselves and others as we / they are, learning to listen with an open mind, asking questions with real interest and concern. All of these gradually, progressively lead towards an undefended state, where we find authenticity and joy.

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