#615 Shame, Honesty & Intentional Maturation

     It takes maturity, courage, self-reflection, self-compassion and honesty to admit and clearly see our own limitations - our "shadow" - and work with these consciously, constructively. This is rare in today's society. Instead, we tend to 'act out' our shadow - foolish behavior is frighteningly common. It's spawned an endless stream of situation comedies and reality shows about hoarders, morbidly obese, terrible home repairs, an endless array of stunts that end badly, etc etc.

     Haven't we beaten our puer aeternus phase to death? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus Isn't it time to celebrate & promote the noble process of intentional maturation?

     "shame is ... the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
     Shame is universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
     No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpins this shame, this "I'm not good enough, ... not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough"?
     The thing that underpins this is excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."                         Brene Brown PhD

       Brown B. "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books, NY, 2012. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-153143

#417 Appreciating & Even Prioritizing QUALITY - Stillness & Silence

     How does it feel when we're about to do something that gives us a quick fix - like eating a chocolate bar (instead of a healthy snack) when we're hungry, or rushing a job to get it over & done with (instead of doing it with appropriate care)? Isn't there a building momentum to approach & complete the act, as if starting to descend from the highest point on a roller coaster, or as if pulled by a powerful magnet?
     When we're being self-centered, grasping for "short-term gains" - we're much like addicts reaching for their addictive substance of choice - big pull, brief elation, big let-down, and we're worse off, knowing we've just added to our own (plus likely our loved ones') "long-term pains".

     In contrast, how does it feel when we're about to do something that's not about us, but for the long-term benefit of others? When we're about to do the right thing? There's no momentum, no magnetic effect. We make wise, mature decisions from a place of stillness, a place of silence. We can feel this stillness.

     Isn't it sad that we become addicted to the "excitement" of brief highs, despite, & even because of their brevity, inevitability of crashing & other hangovers? Why does it take so long for us to let go of cheap thrills? We seem to have to gradually, intentionally learn to appreciate, and very slowly prioritize, peace & mature judgment.
     Quality is a very slowly acquired taste for most of us. Mindfulness practice is a direct way of increasing the pace of this critical - yet mysteriously avoided - experiential learning. Of course we still have prioritize this practice over our habitual momentum-driven distractions.

     See: http://www.johnlovas.com/2013/10/self-concepts-sense-of-momentum-or.html
     and: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/10/uncomfortable-being-still.html 

#346 Wisdom to Foolishness Ratio - Personal & Societal

     How well do we monitor the quality of our thoughts, words and actions? By quality I mean, where do these fit on the wise to foolish spectrum? How soon do we become aware when (not if) we're being / have been foolish? What do we do about it? What proportion do we rationalize, externalize, project, procrastinate, deny, suppress, repress vs see clearly, accept, make amends for, try not to repeat?
     Are we actively, intentionally, skillfully maturing, growing wise or stagnating?
     Where we are on this ratio is entirely our choice. Each moment-to-moment choice powerfully impacts our personal and societal quality of life. Mindfully or mindlessly, actively or passively, wisely or foolishly, we co-create present-moment reality, moment by moment by moment by ...

     See more re wisdom: http://healthyhealers.blogspot.ca/2013/03/wisdom-deep-insight-mature.html

Vivienne Leibowich   http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/