Some of our behaviors obviously run contrary to our own long-term interests. And yet we cling tightly to our self-sabotaging behaviour patterns!
How many times have you heard someone point out another's repeated self-defeating behaviour, only to be answered immediately with a defensive angry outburst: "but that's who I am!!"
Most of us identify with our behaviour patterns, including those that are seriously damaging. Why? Because the pattern of our self-talk, thoughts, & behaviour is perhaps the most stable of all phenomena. Everything changes, but we can pretty well fossilize a rigid personality for life - at a huge cost to our quality of life. So we pretend that our own foolish behaviour patterns are "solid & reliable" in an otherwise mysterious, constantly shifting, evolving universe.
We can do much better than that. We can constantly monitor our own self-talk, thoughts, speech & behaviour to see if these are appropriate & beneficial to the present moment and for our own & others' long-term happiness. If not, we can accept it, let it go, and choose to think, speak or act more wisely.
If it's not helpful, do less of it;
If it's helpful, do more of it.
This is mindful practice and it's result: psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility permits steady gradual evolution in consciousness, and thus wiser thoughts, speech & behaviour.
One's identity is neither solid, nor unchanging - it can & should evolve, throughout life, and not be held down in dysfunction. Advice during meditation about letting go of words and images, and remaining appropriate to the task in front of us, applies equally to "self-image". Many wise people have advised that we forget "the self" and concentrate on being kind. Of course this does not endorse self-neglect or self-abuse. However, being overly concerned about the 'self' guarantees suffering, while helping others consistently brings happiness & joy.
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Most people are drawn to Mindfulness when they find life overly stressful. Their usual coping mechanisms are simply inadequate to the burden that today's pace of life imposes. So at least initially, their interest tends to be focused on Mindfulness "as a self-regulation strategy in addressing stress & pain management and enhancing relaxation & physical health."
Shapiro DH. A preliminary study of long-term meditators: Goals, effects, religious orientation, cognitions. Journal of Transpersonal Psychology 1992; 24(1): 23-39.
So why so much stress in a time of plenty? Is it possible that many of us have lost - or never found - our bearings, spending most of our time & energy chasing after relatively meaningless things? Before we reach meaningless goals, we ride the anxious energy of the chase. But after achieving them, profound disappointment quickly sets in. We sense we're wasting our precious life. After repeating this chase-&- catch routine too many times, the pattern becomes obvious, and hopefully we can stop "doing more of what doesn't work!"
"Man's search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life." Viktor Frankl
The beauty of doing meaningful work is that daily life becomes & feels worthwhile, significant. In the process of doing something of value, we live meaningful lives. Instead of stressed, we feel engaged, energized to contribute. But to know what is meaningful for us as individuals, we must first discover who or what we are. To help accomplish this intentionally, sitting quietly and observing the pattern of our thoughts & emotions is exceptionally useful. Welcome to mindfulness meditation!
See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2013/11/432-i-try-and-i-try-but-i-cant-get-no.html
