#160 Sad? Bored? Annoyed? Angered?

     Do a lot of people, places, situations etc bug you, get you down, irritate you? Do you put a great deal of time and resources into owning a nice home in a nice part of town, a nice car, nice clothes, nice places for vacations? Conversely, are you pouring much of your energy into avoiding specific (for you) intolerable people, foods, places, cosmetics, activities, etc? Either way, do things still fail to meet your hopes and expectations, or when they do, is satisfaction fleeting? Does this leave you feeling unlucky or cursed, while others appear to be content, happy even?

     What's the main difference between unhappy you and others who seem happy?

     You assume that happiness comes only when external situations nicely suit you, stay great or keep improving. Life's circumstances may not be any better for those who are genuinely happy, however, their attitude or (inner) state of being is radically different. They accept reality as it is - from incredibly wonderful to shockingly horrible (but mostly in between) and constantly changing. This is simply a fact of life. They warmly embrace ALL of life, as it comes, with (relative) equanimity.

     You may already know the above 'secret' to resilience (stress hardiness), but have chosen to remain outraged or cynical about life. You may strongly identify with this attitude - this is how people know you. Also, this intellectual stance against life is stable, fully under your control, and almost serves as a shield against harsh reality.

     Putting down the above way of intellectually distancing yourself from life, even if you decide to do so, will take time, effort and discipline. Layers of attitudinal armor (also manifesting as muscular pain / tension, road-rage, headaches etc) protect the ego. HOWEVER, it also shields you from experiencing real joy, AND makes you miserable to be with.

     Having been there for longer than I care to recall, I HIGHLY recommend that you progressively open up to warmly embrace all of life, exactly as it is - see what happens. How does it feel as your heart area softens and opens up? Just maybe people will find your newly emerging personality warmer, more human, more inviting.

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#159 Conscious choice vs Self-deception

     We've all said and done things that we regretted - immediately, or later, even decades after the fact! We're slow learners and have blind spots. Since we all do what we feel is necessary to survive, our subconscious suppresses those thoughts, words and actions that violate the values we consciously profess. Yes, we even (try to) fool ourselves!
     How else could Earl Jones rob most of his closest family members (& many others) of their life savings in his Ponzi scheme? However, living a divided life (consciously or subconsciously), eats away at us like worms in an apple. How do you suppose Bernie Madoff feels, sitting in prison, about driving his son to commit suicide?
     A cancer on society, is also a cancer in his immediate family and within himself. Each of us is an organic part of a single global community.
     “Some version of the Golden Rule, ‘Treat others as you would want to be treated,’ is core to the moral code of essentially every culture or religion including Greek polytheism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Confucianism, and Buddism.”        Nash DA. Ethics, empathy, and the education of dentists. J Dent Educ 2010; 74(6): 567-78.

     Externally-imposed moral codes are effective for some. For those aware of an inner compass, the universe is but a small bathtub - emptying your bowls while sitting in the bathtub illustrates karma.

     If we start making all our choices consciously, we'll clearly see what our choices bring. Only then can we confidently start doing more of what works - brings joy, and less of what doesn't work - brings suffering.

      Awakening to engage directly with reality requires continuous intelligent effort - mindfulness.

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#158 A life worth living?

     In the 2009 movie "Cooking with Stella," a decent Canadian couple moves to New Delhi, India to work at the Canadian High Commission. There they try to befriend the local staff, who in turn systematically steals as much as they can from them by any means possible. What I find truly disturbing about this movie is that it ends with the perps 'triumphantly' driving off with their ill-gotten gains: car, smart phones, cash. The implied message? Those who die with the most toys win; all's fair in the pursuit of bling.

     An instructional video (~2010) by Lionel Laroche PhD "Making connections between culturally different students and faculty" suggests that in hierarchical societies (most countries), it's 'normal' for people to do whatever it takes to get ahead (eg cheating on exams), whereas in egalitarian societies (Canada & USA), people show more respect for fairness, honesty, the greater good of society. 
http://jobsearch.theworkingcentre.org/employer-expectations/919-diversity-canadian-workplace-lionel-laroche

     Some cultures are infamous for considering the ability to deceive others as the ultimate sign of sophistication and 'wisdom', while honest, truthful people are misconstrued as simpletons. Even in Canada and the US, every day some business or government leader is convicted of swindling their fellow man. Is sleaze becoming the global non-culture?

     Do those who lie and cheat actually think that people don't notice? Do they think their victims will 'understand'? Who doesn't actively avoid being lied to, robbed, and made a fool of?

     How can individuals discover who they are - mature into quality human beings - when reliable guidelines and support systems for living a decent human life are rapidly disappearing?

     "Why are we here? What is the meaning of existence? What truly matters the most in life? To even begin to answer these questions, we must start by exploring our own internal ideals, values, and beliefs." James Hollis

     Hollis J. What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life. Gotham, 2009.

Midlife - July 27, 2012 excellent episode of CBC radio's Tapestry with Mary Hynes

http://www.cbc.ca/tapestry/

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#157 Emotions - Yin and Yang

     "Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."   Carl Jung

Photo: imarollingstone   www.dpreview.com

 

#156 Broadening engagement

     “From the discovery of … deep, mythic undercurrents in one’s life, and the revelation of unsuspected levels of meaning, comes support for healing and the self-reflection that leads to understanding.”

     Metzner R. “The unfolding self. Varieties of transformative experience.” Origin Press, Novato CA, 1998. 

Photo: Map1275   www.dpreview.com

 

#155 Digital Distraction; Modern Multi-tasking Madness

     "Today's Tweeting, Yelping, Flickring, Foursquaring, TripAdvising mentality generates such a carnivorous hunger for stimulation and instant gratification that, no matter how much storytelling, love, humor, philosophy, music, contemplative content, 3-D imagery, or wisdom we shove into our systems, it still leaves us wanting."

     Stusser MA. The Tweeting, Yelping, Flickering, Foursquaring, TripAdvising Mentality. Shambhala Sun, September 2012.

Rush hour in China - photo from the web

#154 Open your heart?

     Mindfulness may most succinctly be defined as “an openhearted, moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness".

        Kabat-Zinn J. Coming to our senses: Healing ourselves and the world through mindfulness. Hyperion, NY, 2005.

     How do you feel when I suggest "open your heart"?

     I've had very interesting conversations about this. For many, it's a great theory or aspiration, but impractical if not downright terrifying. "The world (people) would take advantage of me!" And indeed, most of us spend sometimes all, but certainly way too much of our lives with our hearts barricaded away, partially frozen to life and love. It takes one or more 'rude wake-up calls' from life for some of us to start intentionally shedding the armor from around our frozen hearts and start embracing life - so that real living can begin ...       Lesser E. “Broken open. How difficult times can help us grow.” Villard, NY, 2005.

     “The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” Thich Nhat Hanh
 

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