#221 Ego Defended Suffering; Undefended Authenticity & Joy

     We've all experienced a wide variety of fears: hearing a strange noise when alone in a house; walking into an exam less than adequately prepared; feeling ignored by people we care about; being insulted or made fun of; an impending medical or dental appointment; having a nightmare; and the list goes on and on. What do all of these have in common? These all pose a threat to our self-concept - our unique, fictional idea of who we assume we are - ego.
     To the extent that identity is fused with self-concept ie "I am my self-concept", we suffer. What does this suffering feel like? Just recall any of the situations above: basically the fight, flight, freeze response - the reptilian reaction to threat to survival: physical tightness, increased heart rate, racing thoughts etc - an adrenalin rush, like too much caffeine. Yet it's usually only the ego being threatened - a fictional concept. For many of us, the ego is constantly under attack and constantly being defended - relentless stress & suffering - over an idea!
     It's essential to recognize and make use of the fact that a quiet ego - "(hypo-egoic state) is responsible both for the sense of well-being that tends to accompany many positive psychological experiences (such as flow, meditation, and transcendence) and for prosocial beliefs and actions ..."
         Leary MR, Guadagno J. "The role of hypo-egoic self-processes in optimal functioning and subjective well-being." (Chapter 9) in: Sheldon KM, Kashdan TB, Steger MF. eds. "Designing positive psychology: Taking stock and moving forward." Oxford University Press, NY, 2011. 

     How can we avoid a lifetime of self-inflicted suffering? As soon as we feel the old caffeine-rush sensation of the ego trying to defend itself, we can kindly accept our brain stem trying to help, and abort this defensive mission. The healthy adult alternative to armoring ± counterattack involves learning to let go of tension in various parts of the body, learning to accept ourselves and others as we / they are, learning to listen with an open mind, asking questions with real interest and concern. All of these gradually, progressively lead towards an undefended state, where we find authenticity and joy.

Fall in Nova Scotia

#220 How's work working?

     We often hear how people dislike their jobs, and can hardly wait to go home for the day, weekends, holidays, and count their days until retirement. This attitude is 'celebrated' in many songs:

"Everybody's workin' for the weekend
Everybody wants a new romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end ..."

-

"Workin' 9 to 5
What a way to make a livin'
Barely gettin' by
It's all takin'
And no givin' ..."

     The implication, for many, is that who they are at work is phoney, and they can only "be themselves" and "really let loose" when away from their boss and work environment. This is a sad situation for everyone - worker, co-workers, boss, as well as those who end up using the services or products of such workplaces. Such fear-based relationships to external authority figures leads to cynicism, 'presenteeism', moral decay, burnout, depression / anxiety, job loss, and even suicide.
     Mature adults know what changes need to be made in their workplace to make it humane and productive, and they go about making it happen. They never give up trying to find ways of improving, whatever system they're a part of, from the inside. 
     Passive-aggressive adversarial relationships with places of employment are sadly common, and self-defeating. Adults can and must do better - for their own and everyone else's quality of life. To flourish, adults must live authentic, undivided lives. 

See also: http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/search?q=anomie
and
http://mindfulnessforeveryone.blogspot.ca/2012/03/83-undivided-life.html

Fall in Nova Scotia

#219 Coaching ourselves

     Mindfulness practice is about awareness & acceptance of whatever the present holds out to us - embracing it, and ourselves, with eyes wide open, just as it is, and as we are.
     This is done patiently, gently, at the pace that works for us as individuals. We work at the pace that best works for ourselves in order to make steady lifelong progress. We learn when to ease up and when to work a bit harder. We can and need to become our own best life coaches.

     Life Coaching Courses: http://www.canc.ca/Courses.html

Montreal, Province de Quebec

#218 Mindfulness - coming out of trance

     Many have claimed that “we’re all in a trance most of the time.” In clinical hypnosis workshops we learn firsthand what trance looks and feels like. In mindfulness meditation, we have glimpses, brief at first, of what clarity or being out of trance feels like. So consciousness does not have to be limited to trance-like states. Experiencing the clarity of mindfulness requires that we intentionally rewire our brains, because by default, we have all been seamlessly slipping into trances throughout life. Mindfulness is intentional training to come out, and remain out of, trance.

     Mindfulness involves intentional alert moment-to-moment awareness of, and appropriate interaction with, whatever the present moment holds. 

     Mindfulness is not goal-directed. One does not practice mindfulness in order to achieve something, get somewhere else, or become something different. Mindfulness is a process - like sobering-up, as well as a state of being - like sobriety.

Photo: BBrooks   www.dpreview.com

#217 Worrying is Painful; Reality is Workable & leads to Happiness

     Recently, Dr. Ian Lyons at UWO's Numerical Cognition Laboratory, demonstrated that among those who fear math, anticipating having to do math in the future activates the same part of the brain that indicates visceral pain. However, when actually doing math, these same people do not experience pain.
"Pain By Numbers" - on CBC Radio's "Quirks and Quarks", Nov 3, 2012
http://www.cbc.ca/player/Radio/Quirks+and+Quarks/ID/2299909815/

     For some time we've known that vividly imagining the sight, sound, taste, feel etc of any activity - be it eating a delicious, cold, crisp, sweet & sour lemon meringue pie, or imagining being cornered, alone, in a dark alley by a gang of knife-wielding robbers - causes physiologic responses as if the event were actually happening. This is the basis for "going to a happy place" via hypnosis, but also for causing ourselves tremendous suffering of depressive wallowing and anxious catastrophization.
     Thinking of real or imaginary, past or future events, can indeed elicit powerfully painful or somewhat pleasant physiologic responses. However, the response to mindfully experiencing what the present moment actually holds may be surprising.
     Being mindfully engaged in the present moment, regardless if the particular activity would conventionally be considered pleasant, neutral or unpleasant, is agreeable, in fact more agreeable than going to one's "happy place".
         Killingsworth MA, Gilbert DT. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science 2010; 330(6006): 932.
 
     It's becoming clear that letting go of the past, letting go of attempts to micromanage the future, and putting our whole energy, mind, heart & body, into what we're doing right now is best - "Just Do It!"

Between Domaine de Grand Pré Winery and The Olde Lantern Inn, Nova Scotia

#216 Ego-gratification or Awakening - What are YOU training for?

     “In the West, our ideal of a whole person is someone who is adjusted, creative, not destroyed by passion and addiction, and successful by some worldly standard. … an alternative ideal (is) a person who does not cling like a magnet to collective, unconscious values. This person realizes that the satisfaction of the ego, known to us as success or self-esteem, does not offer the deep tranquility and the liberation from craving that quintessentially we yearn for. This awake person knows that being in tune with the law of one’s nature, which is not separate from the law of community and the law of the natural world, is the best definition of happiness.”
     Moore T. Original self. Living with paradox and authenticity. HarperCollins, NY, 2000.

Montreal, Province de Quebec

#215 Whose side are you on - Anger or Wisdom?

     Normal human maturation involves transitioning through various stages throughout life. These psychological developmental stages are well described, but not generally well known or understood. "Black & white thinking" (rigidity & ambiguity-intolerance) and tribalism (identifying completely with a particular group, very closely linked to self-centeredness) are characteristic of adolescents and pre-adolescents. Unfortunately, some people never mature beyond these stages.
     Typical examples of such arrested development are found among gangs, "empire builders", and other cults. "You're either with us or against us" is a typical sentiment, and violent crime & other extreme adversarial measures are not only condoned, but advocated to promote the "in group" at the expense of "outsiders". Of course, members of these groups are "cognitively fused" - identify completely with the group's thoughts & emotions ie are "zealots", "true believers", "brainwashed", with trance-like adherence to "group-think", devoid of individual objective perspective or morality - "my (insert tribe) - right or wrong". The 1998 movie, "American History X", starring Edward Norton, is a powerful study of cults (see trailer below). The 2012 movie, "The Master" is also insightful.

     The classical “Greek view (is) that wisdom is a marriage of knowledge and virtue (and) that folly is a product of ignorance about what matters in life and how to solve life’s problems.”
     Ferrari M, Potworowski G, eds. “Teaching for Wisdom: Cross-Cultural Perspectives on Fostering Wisdom.” Heidelberg: Springer, 2008.

      “There exist within us … latent but unexplored creative capacities, depths of psyche, states of consciousness, and stages of development undreamed of by most people.”
       Walsh R, Vaughan F eds. Paths beyond ego. The transpersonal vision. Penguin Putnam Inc, NY, 1993.

     “The challenge is, can we live more consciously? In a sense, mindfulness and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) are really about the art of conscious living. … Our work in MBSR is based on the conviction that … we have infinitely more capacity and dimensions – and I emphasize the plural – that we usually simply ignore. Even the educational system emphasizes only certain aspects of development, such as critical thinking, but it doesn’t emphasize somatic experience or intuitive experience or the cultivation of compassion or, for that matter, self-compassion or empathy and all sorts of other aspects of being human – including perhaps the most fundamental of all – awareness itself, which is an innate capacity we share by virtue of being human.” Jon Kabat-Zinn
       Gazella K. Bringing mindfulness to medicine: An interview with Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD. Adv Mind Body Med 2005; 21(2): 22-7.